Happy Birthdays

Things have been pretty good around here. I'm 27 now.. bleh. But i'd rather be 27 and be myself again, than 24 and feel like a stranger to myself, like i did.

Theron is doing amazing at his work, coming up soon he'll be competing against his own numbers from last year, so we should be getting bonuses that will make a difference!

Jaz is doing ok as always.. i dont think i have ever been able to say "she's doing great!" She really is a complicated little thing. She seems to eat baby food like its air, so today i mashed up real carrots where they were still chunky and mixed it in her carrot baby food, and she ate it up.

Jadyn, i love her to death, but she is really trying my patience. I thought most of her new issues after moving, might be thats shes not challanged enough, so we are doing her reading lessons again, and math. She's doing great.

I'm doing well, i'm making some sales off my new biz.. but i still havent finished my last phase of start up, which was sending out samples to shops. I'll get to it soon :)

I've had a great birthday.. theron tattooed mine and the girls names on him. His first tattoo. and now he has my name on him forever. I love it. :) i swear he said to me once that he would never do that. but i love him for it. its acutally pretty amazing in my book.

we are in the new house, i love it.. i wake up and go to sleep loving it, and counting my blessings.

Rejuvenated

Jazlyn had her four month shots today. Theron was off, but when i got up to feed jaz at 3am, he was still up, since he got off so late last night. So I decided to let him sleep and try taking both the girls on my own, on shot day of all days. Guess what? It was wonderful! Jadyn was so good, and cute, because I gave her a french braid across the top of her head. Jaz was pleasant. She weights 21 lbs now. Then it was shot time. Of course she cried durning the shots. But when we were done, and walking out, she was fine. A little disturbed, but she stopped crying :) Then we went drop off her antibiotic Rx, and swung thru Mc donalds, for a light lunch. Only spent $11, and theron will have Mc D's when he wakes up. I though he would be awake when we got back since it was 11am, but poor guys still sleeping. Jazlyn is asleep as well, so it gave jadyn and I time to enjoy lunch and me computer time.

So my wonderful morning rejuvenated me as a mother.. I feel like I can do more with just me and the girls, where as before it was a little intimidating. ok, A LOT intimidating. It's a bit easier too now that jaz is strong with supporting her own weight. I can carry her on my hip a bit. :)

Can you have it all?

Being a parent, you want everything for your children. You want the perfect spacious home, the back yard that goes on for miles, fenced in of course. You need the 2 cars least, right? But at what cost can we attain these things?

I'm finding more and more that the families I've envied for having it all.. really only have it all on the outside. I won't mention the ones I know of personally, but I must mention Jon and Kate, from TLC's Jon and Kate plus 8. I watched the season premiere last night, and finished it this morning. Yes, I rarely get to watch a show in one sitting. They are on the verge of divorce. and just a few months ago I was watching them move in to the perfect dream house for their family, wishing it was me. It's yet another couple who reach those goals, and fall apart on the way there. What's the point of it all if you can't enjoy it the way it was meant to be enjoyed. I'm shocked, and it really makes me want to change my goals.

One of our main things right now is waiting to get a new place. We have 2 girls now, and only 2 bed rooms. And oddly I'm really happy... I'm not itching to move like I was a few months ago. YES, we physically need more space. I have a big red wagon in the pantry.. of course we need more space. But i'd rather have a wagon in my pantry, than have all the space in the world and not share it with my husband. He's already barely home because he has to work insane hours. It will just get worse the more money he makes. right? no thanks!

Does anyone actually have it all?

Mommy Cuts: free of charge :)

I have been living with alopecia totalis for almost 10 years now. Basically i've lost all my hair for no reason. I've survived. I recently joined up on Facebook, and found tons of alopecia support groups, wow! So the whole thing has been fresh in my mind. As life goes on it feels somewhat normal, and when I see others with it, or do research on it, it feels more like a disease or a burden. I'm sure i'm just being paranoid, but i've been worried about my 3 yr olds hair and passing it to her. When I was brushing her hair after a bath, the day I also found all the alopecia groups on Facebook, it seemed so much more thin than usual. It freaked me out, and I just said a prayer for her not to get alopecia.

Of course I had to call my mom, since I call her for everything. Just ask her, she'll tell you how much I call :). She assured me it was the time of year, or like I said, I'm just paranoid. She mentioned cutting her hair so it wouldn't be as heavy.

The thought of cutting those beautiful curls, not the first thing I wanted to do. A few days later (last night), I finally got a chance where I felt like doing it, and the baby was asleep. I was just going to trim it a little bit..then when I got to the last cut I realized she had her head tilted to the side. Ok, so I had to do it again and even it out. Not too bad of a job. Then I realized that because of her curls it will be a lot shorter when it dried! Now she's got a cute little cut, much shorter than I wanted, but very cute. Even Theron liked it.

Happily Trapped?

How can little things be so hard to accomplish at times? Today started wonderful. I got 6 hours of sleep, which is amazing. My husband was off of work today. My step-sister came for a visit. Great! I decided I should go to wal-mart to pick up a few things since my husband is off of work.

Now going to wal-mart is not an option for me when i'm alone with both kids. Jaz, my 3 moth old, is like a ticking time bomb because she decided to start teething soon after she was born. (we just realized) So, I either go with just her, or just Jadyn, or both when my husband can come. He also cannot handle being alone with the baby while she's going through her teething, and of course Jadyn wont stay home if I and the baby left. So what happens when dear hubby is too exhausted from working so many hours? Absolutely nothing. I felt so trapped.

And now that he's in a better mood, the baby is not. So, I guess I just have to realize that I'm trapped at times. I guess that's ok, because the reasons for it are the loves of my life.

In The Beginning

Do you remember how scary it was the first few weeks of having a baby? Your hormones are firing like crazy and all the sudden this beautiful moment in life becomes the scariest, and you honestly don't know what you were thinking? Ok, you don't have to admit it..but we know you thought it too! So a few weeks later you've lost the guilt of thinking it in the first place, and you can genuinely say, this is the best thing you've ever done in your life. Some of us need meds to get to that point, but we get there just the same. Being a parent is one of the greatest things you can be in this life. It's not easy, it doesn't get easier yet it's so worth it.

Last night I had a great overnight visit from my best friend who I hadn't seen in a year due to me moving out of state. I didn't think he had the open heart to children. You know how you can see who loves kids by how they act from the first minute of meeting your children. We'll Jadyn was bouncing on his foot because she was insainly hyper from having a visitor, and he stopped her right away. I made a note to my self, "Ok, he doesn't have much tolerance for the kiddos."

Boy was I wrong! He told me he was ready for kids in his life. Big shock to me. He looked at Jadyn as she played on the computer and said, "Sue, she's perfect, whatever you are doing keep on doing it. Both of them are perfect." I, in turn, cried and asked, "Really? Because I feel like i'm doing such a bad job at this."

There it was. Someone really important to me, validated my mommy-hood, I got the pat on the back that we all yearn for being parents, or better yet, stay-at-home-moms. Nothings ever felt better. Well, loosely put :)